Being Held from behind

I am a woman with a tall strong but slender body.
While I work away at something I am busy with,
I like being held from behind.
Gently held,
with a broad chest to rest my back on ,
a strong shoulder to rest my head on,
strong arms around me and
a caress on the cheek.

Tags:Foreplay,Sexual_health,sex,body_contact,Being_held

Discussing sexual techniques with friends,Kissing and telling,sexual health

Before i start off the blog entry i have to first insist that i am a 30 year old female physician and though these blogs are not meant as specific medical advice, I know quite a bit of medicine..so these are informed blog entries that i am making here.

FAMILIAR SCENES THESE DAYS 

A/A group of men sitting at a bar , bragging to each other about whom they "DID"(quoting their own words, not mine!)  and what they did to WHOM and how much and how many scored?


B/A group of women sitting aka Sex and the city style and discussing which man is better and why the guy won't make her happy.. etc etc 


All over a casual drink or breakfast..out in the open..as if it was about something not intimate at all.


More and more people have started doing this>> viewing sex and sexual escapades as  something to brag about or discuss about as if it were a technique. As if there is no emotional aspect to sex at all...
As if the privacy of the other person doesn't matter at all, especially when groups of men are sitting and talking and discussing specific names, identity revealed and all that. 

I mean.. If a person has  once had mindboggling emotionally involved sex,,they will never go back or be satisfied to casual sex, no matter how technically accurate and exotic it might be. coz, SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DEEPLY KNOW AND SOMEONE WHOSE MIND YOU RESPECT IS much much more intense than any mindboggling sex that comes out of just great sexual technique or hitting the right spots.


There is much more to sex than just technique..

IN MY OPINION 
Sex is a very intimate thing.
A very intense connection..
You cannot discuss it with friends like a technique or a conquest.
It is a very very emotionally intense thing between two
people and two people alone.

I often notice young men sitting around and saying things like,
" I even bought her dinner, but the B*tch won't sleep with me" 

And I am thinking, "Are these men under the impression that buying dinner is what you do to make another person want to have sex with you?
I mean., women these days surely  have enough money to buy their own dinner.Does that mean, they stop having sex with men altogether now that they can buy their own dinner?
Is a free dinner the reason women used to have sex with women in older times?
NO..
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I also want to ask these particular group of men another question.
You obviously don't respect this woman or have any love or respect for her --pretty evident when you call her "B*tch" So, when you hate her so much,,How come you still want to have sex with her?
So, you just like having sex with people you hate? why the self torture? why not have sex with people you love?

or is it that any woman who won't have you, automatically gets called names? Is it a juvenile anger response to call a woman a b*tch coz she won't do what YOU want? 
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I have another question for these men.
Don't  you  ever want to try to have sex with a woman whom you really love? 
or Is mindless sex enough for you in this lifetime? 
Do you have so much of  self hatred that you have already decided that there is never going to be a day that any woman could possibly really love you  and all you have to do in this lifetime is make do with women that hate you but have sex with you coz you bought them things/gifts?

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IN MY OPINION

Most lewd comments about sex or disassociated comments about sex come because there is some amount of sexual frustration or resentment associated with that act.





BTW
Why exactly are people comparing notes anyways?
TRUST ME
We are all animals of nature.. nature designed us and our bodies in such a way that even without guide books.,we will eventually figure out sexual techniques on our own, as we go, as we develop new comfort levels with our constant partner.

On the other hand, if you keep sleeping around with a new partner each time, you end up trying techniques that one woman/man prefers or likes on a new partner that possibly completely dislikes it.Every human is unique, they have their own unique sexual preferences,It not necessary to have universal laws that this sex act is a sure success with everyone.What one person likes, another may find utterly disgusting and they have right to say NO.



Regular sex with the same person over time, helps both partners, develop a mating dance of sorts(unique to that couple).where you reach middle ground.You give up some of your choices and you take upon some  of your partner's preferences.. to reach a beautiful middle ground.

one big rule 
is,If your partner completely finds a technique very very REPULSIVE for some reason..even after trying it ONCE.(yeah, just 'once' is all it take to figure if you really like it or not), dont' force them or emotionally blackmail them to do it again, just coz you like it very very much. Same holds true for something you find very repulsive..Your partner should not emotionally manipulate you into doing it, if you find it completely unacceptable.

Having said that..even after repeated attempts if either or both parties end up not being able to reach a middle ground where they are sexual satisfied, they must then go try to find new sexual partners.


Verbally and openly discussing sexual needs is a a great way to figure out things.DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK .Don't be afraid to say NO either. communication is important.



Having said that, we learn as we go along. Trying anything as long as it NOT A HEALTH HAZARD IS FINE.
There are so many techniques that are completely hazardous healthwise and it might be a good idea to avoid them.Ask your doctor about how the female or male body is constructed, coz once you know how the human body is ..you tend to know on your own, what might work or what might be unhealthy.

                                  About seeking health resources for information, 
Porn sites/videos  are the least accurate in terms of offering sex advice..They are NOT real live sex demonstrations.They are films with people ACTING and are shot with actors already on medication or drugs in order to achieve or make it look like their organs or secondary sexual characteristics are too unnaturally endowed etc. The films are shot on repeat multiple shooting schedules and put together.It is naive to watch and mimic porn movies. 
Anyways,


MY OPINION 
comparing sexual notes with your friends is the most stupid thing to do..Why?
because we are all physically and mentally very different people.. 
While being so different both in terms of physical appearance and emotional make up,Sdd in the variability of the physical differences that will exist between their partner and yours too>> discussing techniques is a FUTILE EXPERIENCE.. I mean,what works for them, won't work for you..at all..coz you are two different people..
Sex is more MENTALLY WIRED than you ever thought it was..

So, COMPARISON with your friends or your other sexual experiences with other people while you are with this new person IS  a NO-NO

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For me, 
Sex can happen only if i get so emotionally attached with another person that i want to be with them..So,there is  no scope for comparison  at all.
                                    I will be with someone only when I sense that they are very into me .Once  they are so into me,they are not going to compare at all.All they are thinking even in their head is just me and All I am thinking even in my head is them.

But , there are so many people that just have sex with people they are NOT really into.That is where the problem arises..You are not so into them,so you start comparing in your head, you discuss with friends, you do all that ..coz YOU ARE NOT SURE.

So, first off, get very sure ..then do it!

What is the right time to start having sex for girls?

Before i start off the blog entry i have to first insist that i am a 30 year old female physician and though these blogs are not meant as specific medical advice, I know quite a bit of medicine..so these are informed blog entries that i am making here.


The human pelvis and bones continue to grow till age of 19-21.Any act of nature that stunts that growth is not really a natural thing to do-because nature doesn't design activities that are detrimental to the growth of the body at all
Any act of unprotected natural sex will lead to a pregnancy if the intercourse occurs during ovulation time.yeah?
This pregnancy will suck up all the energies of the female body not allowing the pregnant body to grow in length.Thus, it is not natural for any girl below the age of 19-21 to have unprotected sex at all.Because if she gets pregnant, she allows the fetus to grow at the cost of her own growth.It is like a growing child allowing another child to suck up her share of growth.
Young girls below 19, no matter what anyone tells you, having sex below you reach your full height is the most self destructive thing to do to your own body.Wait, learn, then do it after you reach your full height,after you reach a position where you are emotionally ready to be a parent and are financially able to get a job to support the child incase the boy bolts from responsibility.

BOTTOMLINE ?
1/As a young girl below 19, It is perfectly normal to SAY NO to having sex-especially unprotected sex..
2/19 is NOT too late to start having your first sexual experience.
Infact, you are more mentally mature,
You know what you want(to a certain extent)
You have grown your almost full height by then,
Your pelvis is fully developed and ossified too..
You have gotten high school done and complete(college is better, but high school drop out is the worst thing )
So, you are ready ..
Ready to have sex..not to get pregnant though!!
Not that i advice to get pregnant by 19..but yes, 19 is the right age to try and start having sex.
Anything prior to 19 is too soon.
You have a whole lifetime ahead of you people..hurrying and having sex at much younger ages only gives you a wrong idea of what sex is all about..because our first time is forever etched in our sexual psyche and what an illinformed kid experiences is not really that worth remembering but we all remember...
So, wait tilll 19,,both boys and girls..k?

Porn addiction among males and how it is indirectly related to female financial independence

90% of men these days are APPARENTLY porn addicts(as stated by a male friend).

This piece of info might be a CONCOCTED one much like many of the  other "FACTS" floating around the internet.

My male friend  says that this MUCH TOO COMMON INTERNET PORN ADDICTION  is because OF THE FACT that  all men are the same .They all like gawking at possibly under-aged and under-payed, possibly sexually abused  and truly very much socially exploited/stigmatized women coz it is a "genetic" male trait to just look at STRANGER women on the screen and BE SO DISCONNECTED about the human story of that face or VAGINA  on the screen  that they get turned on and then they jack off !


So, PORN "TRAINS" MEN TO jack off OFF STRANGERS.It allows them to disconnect EMOTION FROM SEX and just jack off to strangers whom they don't know anything about ,except the size and shape of their vaginas and size of their boobs and these sizes MIGHT NOT EVEN BE REAL..Thanks to prosthesis and camera tricks and discontinuous shots and whatever else.

Anyways,coming back to what my male friend said,
First off,
 Porn addiction has got nothing to do with sexual tension or genetic traits.
Infact, when I see my teen patients, I see that porn addiction is equally prevalent in the female teens as much as in the male teens..

Sexually curiosity is one factor but another factor is the lack of STEADINESS in the male-female or male-male or female-female  relationships that these teens experience these says.Infact what attracts people in general to PORN is the lack of an emotionally/sexually fulfilling REAL LIFE STEADY RELATIONSHIP. Peeps start watching porn to fill that voit and Ironically then Porn trains you to be a VOYEUR..and then you get SO TRAINED to be a voyeur ,you get wired that way sexually, much like a pavlov's dog and then REAL PEOPLE don't do it anymore for you sexually..INTERESTING TURN OF EVENTS...no?

My male friend says that is is  a GENETIC TRAIT OF MALES to like "disconnected masturbation".
I disagree.
I am sure every human being would RATHER HAVE sex (cyber sex included) with someone real person, in flesh and blood ,someone whom they know personally and whose personality they like and who likes them in return too.

A big turn on in any relationship is KNOWING THAT YOUR PARTNER TRULY LIKES AND LOVES YOU...Sex is more MENTAL THAN YOU THINK!

However, I do agree that this porn addiction amongst males might be a  MALE TRAIT STEMMING OUT OF SOCIAL CONDITIONING..(but definitely NOT GENETIC)! Females can be just as porn addicted, if they had enough money to buy porn on the internet, and also if it was socially just as accepted.
In a chauvinistic society,dysfunctional male traits( which are a result of being DAMAGED early on in life) are often disregarded/brushed off as something men do  and thus socially accepted as something that MEN DO and as it is commonly put "BOYS WILL BE BOYS ! "

Certain social patterns guide  certain behavioural patterns.
Social changes also mean behavioral changes.
One such social change that has occurred ever since women fought for their right to earn their own living and right to have equal rights as equal humans in society, is the FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE OF WOMEN.
In a chauvinistic society, FINANCIAL DEPENDENCE OF WOMEN WAS A IMPOSED SOCIAL TREND that made women unable to earn their own incomes and because of that , they ended up FINANCIALLY DESPERATE enough to stick to a  moneyed man though they found him undesirable and such.

In chauvinistic times, MEN would use money as a tool to CONTROL women and just USE THEIR BODIES to dump their sexual frustration..Much like a SOCIALLY ACCEPTED WAY OF buying a person female concubine.

But now with EQUAL RIGHTS, the whole equation has tipped over..No more CONTROLLING ! Women using sex as a control tool to make husbands do what they desire is another blog entry for another day.K?

Shortly, coming back to the topic of  INTERNET PORN ADDICTION.Though it is often touted as a MALE TREND,I FEEL that is is a newer trend  prevelant in BOTH SEXES.
Coupled with TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES where PORN IS JUST A CLICK AWAY  and social trends, porn addiction is more common place than it ever was.
It is also a mirror to society which is finding a DISCONNECTED SEXUAL OUTLET via internet-porn Safer,STD free and free from the supposed HASSLE of needing to be with a real life person which would demand sharing more than just a fleeting sexual  moment.

I am generally NOT against the idea of EROTICA being used as a way to relieve sexual tension,
but hiring ECONOMICALLY DESPERATE, FAR TOO YOUNG WOMEN and women alone not men(not that men prostitutes ,why?)  as EYE CANDY( how come there are not that many male porn actors on the internet especially the webcam sites(voyeurism central ?) and  and also the large amount of drug usage amongst porn actors and large amount of human trafficking associated with the porn production companies , allows me to have great displeasure at the HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION happening via porn.

The "HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION IN PORN" topic fits to be written as another blog entry...while the current blog entry is more about how financial Independence of women has contributed to porn addiction amongst men.

So yeah, PORN is a convenient outlet for men who
a/don't have enough EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT to be able to successfully communicate with real life women,
b/a man who oftentimes doesn't  know how to behave with a  REAL  life girlfriend in order for the girl not  want to dump him.
c/a man with too much pent up sexual tension with no opportunity for an outlet

In chauvinistic societies, men who make enough money but with no other desirable traits , could still manage to find wives whom they could mindlessly F*CK EACH NIGHT...That is not so easily possibly anymore (sans the HUGH HEFFNER lifestyle ),
In today's society of gender equality, Men are oftentimes needing to start becoming more caring in other ways than just provide some spending money to be able to KEEP A WOMAN ...Earlier they were having it so easy..Now?NOT SO MUCH.

And in today's world , many girls are financially independent(at least girls whose parents have brought them up the right way will be financially independent) ,so these girls who earn their own money will most likely dump men that won't behave  desirably with them(unlike older financially dependant housewives).

So, single men with  A LOW EMOTIONAL IQ  end up on porn sites and spend money watching women naked coz all humans do need some sexing up every now and then (what with the fact that there is no real woman around and they are not getting any due to the fact that they have already been dumped by their steady gf if they ever had one, adds up to the sexual tension)

Essentially, the porn girls on screen and their disconnected sex acts on screen are much akin and are APT replacements for the housewife who has sex with a man because it was deemed her marital duty to "PROVIDE" sex to the husband that "provides" spending money for her and her household...NO DIFFERENCE, JUST A DIFFERENT FORMAT.

Think about it...What is the solution to this mess?

All girls must and should have a source of income of their own ( PORN CANNOT BE A SOURCE OF INCOME)
PORN IS modern day slavery .A  modern day form of buying human bodies or renting human bodies...SEX cannot be for sale....Sex is such an emotional thing...the one last TRULY UNTOUCHED HUMAN INSTINCT...STOP BRINGING MONEY INTO IT.
Ladies, have a job of your own and then have MONEY FREE-love filled sex with a man you love.

Men, have a job of your own and  then also develop a personality that is really truly representative of the real you, then find a woman that LOVES YOUR real personality , then have love filled sex with her.