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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Discussing sexual techniques with friends,Kissing and telling,sexual health

Before i start off the blog entry i have to first insist that i am a 30 year old female physician and though these blogs are not meant as specific medical advice, I know quite a bit of these are informed blog entries that i am making here.


A/A group of men sitting at a bar , bragging to each other about whom they "DID"(quoting their own words, not mine!)  and what they did to WHOM and how much and how many scored?

B/A group of women sitting aka Sex and the city style and discussing which man is better and why the guy won't make her happy.. etc etc 

All over a casual drink or breakfast..out in the if it was about something not intimate at all.

More and more people have started doing this>> viewing sex and sexual escapades as  something to brag about or discuss about as if it were a technique. As if there is no emotional aspect to sex at all...
As if the privacy of the other person doesn't matter at all, especially when groups of men are sitting and talking and discussing specific names, identity revealed and all that. 

I mean.. If a person has  once had mindboggling emotionally involved sex,,they will never go back or be satisfied to casual sex, no matter how technically accurate and exotic it might be. coz, SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DEEPLY KNOW AND SOMEONE WHOSE MIND YOU RESPECT IS much much more intense than any mindboggling sex that comes out of just great sexual technique or hitting the right spots.

There is much more to sex than just technique..

Sex is a very intimate thing.
A very intense connection..
You cannot discuss it with friends like a technique or a conquest.
It is a very very emotionally intense thing between two
people and two people alone.

I often notice young men sitting around and saying things like,
" I even bought her dinner, but the B*tch won't sleep with me" 

And I am thinking, "Are these men under the impression that buying dinner is what you do to make another person want to have sex with you?
I mean., women these days surely  have enough money to buy their own dinner.Does that mean, they stop having sex with men altogether now that they can buy their own dinner?
Is a free dinner the reason women used to have sex with women in older times?

I also want to ask these particular group of men another question.
You obviously don't respect this woman or have any love or respect for her --pretty evident when you call her "B*tch" So, when you hate her so much,,How come you still want to have sex with her?
So, you just like having sex with people you hate? why the self torture? why not have sex with people you love?

or is it that any woman who won't have you, automatically gets called names? Is it a juvenile anger response to call a woman a b*tch coz she won't do what YOU want? 

I have another question for these men.
Don't  you  ever want to try to have sex with a woman whom you really love? 
or Is mindless sex enough for you in this lifetime? 
Do you have so much of  self hatred that you have already decided that there is never going to be a day that any woman could possibly really love you  and all you have to do in this lifetime is make do with women that hate you but have sex with you coz you bought them things/gifts?



Most lewd comments about sex or disassociated comments about sex come because there is some amount of sexual frustration or resentment associated with that act.

Why exactly are people comparing notes anyways?
We are all animals of nature.. nature designed us and our bodies in such a way that even without guide books.,we will eventually figure out sexual techniques on our own, as we go, as we develop new comfort levels with our constant partner.

On the other hand, if you keep sleeping around with a new partner each time, you end up trying techniques that one woman/man prefers or likes on a new partner that possibly completely dislikes it.Every human is unique, they have their own unique sexual preferences,It not necessary to have universal laws that this sex act is a sure success with everyone.What one person likes, another may find utterly disgusting and they have right to say NO.

Regular sex with the same person over time, helps both partners, develop a mating dance of sorts(unique to that couple).where you reach middle ground.You give up some of your choices and you take upon some  of your partner's preferences.. to reach a beautiful middle ground.

one big rule 
is,If your partner completely finds a technique very very REPULSIVE for some reason..even after trying it ONCE.(yeah, just 'once' is all it take to figure if you really like it or not), dont' force them or emotionally blackmail them to do it again, just coz you like it very very much. Same holds true for something you find very repulsive..Your partner should not emotionally manipulate you into doing it, if you find it completely unacceptable.

Having said that..even after repeated attempts if either or both parties end up not being able to reach a middle ground where they are sexual satisfied, they must then go try to find new sexual partners.

Verbally and openly discussing sexual needs is a a great way to figure out things.DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK .Don't be afraid to say NO either. communication is important.

Having said that, we learn as we go along. Trying anything as long as it NOT A HEALTH HAZARD IS FINE.
There are so many techniques that are completely hazardous healthwise and it might be a good idea to avoid them.Ask your doctor about how the female or male body is constructed, coz once you know how the human body is tend to know on your own, what might work or what might be unhealthy.

                                  About seeking health resources for information, 
Porn sites/videos  are the least accurate in terms of offering sex advice..They are NOT real live sex demonstrations.They are films with people ACTING and are shot with actors already on medication or drugs in order to achieve or make it look like their organs or secondary sexual characteristics are too unnaturally endowed etc. The films are shot on repeat multiple shooting schedules and put together.It is naive to watch and mimic porn movies. 

comparing sexual notes with your friends is the most stupid thing to do..Why?
because we are all physically and mentally very different people.
While being so different both in terms of physical appearance and emotional make up,Sdd in the variability of the physical differences that will exist between their partner and yours too>> discussing techniques is a FUTILE EXPERIENCE.. I mean,what works for them, won't work for all..coz you are two different people..
Sex is more MENTALLY WIRED than you ever thought it was..

So, COMPARISON with your friends or your other sexual experiences with other people while you are with this new person IS  a NO-NO


For me, 
Sex can happen only if i get so emotionally attached with another person that i want to be with them..So,there is  no scope for comparison  at all.
                                    I will be with someone only when I sense that they are very into me .Once  they are so into me,they are not going to compare at all.All they are thinking even in their head is just me and All I am thinking even in my head is them.

But , there are so many people that just have sex with people they are NOT really into.That is where the problem arises..You are not so into them,so you start comparing in your head, you discuss with friends, you do all that ..coz YOU ARE NOT SURE.

So, first off, get very sure ..then do it!

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